The 7 Eras of Scotty Hair

One for the girls? But maybe Mikey can appreciate this too, in his hairy monkeylike way..

Thought would do an update on the new Scotty hair, as many of you will have heard me blathering about how I was going to have it 'relaxed', as many black ladies do, to straighten out my ever-wayward locks. It got me to thinking about the many eras of fuzz, fluff and downright faff of the Scotty hair over the years…

Anyway – the 'hair relaxing' treatment sure did the trick for Miami and its notorious humidity so for the first time ever, there was NO FRIZZ and no HANDLEBAR-TWIRLY MOUSTACHE-CURLS!!!

Yep, it's a hirsute miracle. Very bizarre now washing my hair to find that it cascades softly and flicks gently in a straighty-straight way like a teenage boy in a 1980s Tommy Hilfiger ad. Needless to say, on drying it does 'boof out' a bit more like it used to, but its like going through another phase of 'having someone else's hair on'. So I thought I'd document the many eras, which take us to my lanky locks today

Era 1: Life up to age 15 – long, dry frizzy, 'never heard of conditioner' bush. Known affectionately to all and sundry at school as 'Bog Brush'

Era 2: Aged 15-40 – shorter hair, in mini phases of less-than-girly 'Hockey Hair', more latterly evolving into 'Tragic Central Parting, Daily Ironed Ginger Bob'

Era 3: No hair. Chilly for me, and freaky for Hawksey, waking up next to a Baldy. Note to self: Do next transplant in summertime, less draughty.

Era 4: Newly sprouting, 'Judy Dench lookee-likey' hair. Pleasing in terms of grace and style, dubious in terms of 10 years added to age overnight.

Era 5: Shirley Temple Corkscrew Hair: Tight still-ginger curls, rear of head like Velcro gone bad, a match for even Titanium straighteners. Grown back as definitely someone else's hair. Anyone who lost this, please apply here.

Era 6: Which takes us to today's 'Relaxed' hair – so relaxed it's almost… Vertical? A full 90 degree turn around – from the horizontal in an upwards fashion, reminiscent of horns, to today's lanky locks. MORE PLEASE! 

Era 7??? God only knows, watch this space, watch my bonce and remember – its Strawberry Blonde, no matter what the sunshine has done to it… Sx