Ok, big deep breath. For me as well as you, none of this is particularly joyful reading and its totally shit to have to write.
I'll try and keep it short (likely to fail!)
My medical status is currently:
- Back: The MRI shows I have fractured a vertebra low down, at the bottom of my lumbar spine. Yes, this was when I just turned over in my sleep – who know kipping was an adventure sport these days? And of course, I have damaged it not in a 'simple' way (bone crumbles, or disc prolapse) but somehow my outer vertebral wall is ok while the inner bit has collapsed down a level (imagine your first floor bathroom arriving in your sitting room, but no other external damage visible). Am in conversations right now about having a procedure called vertebroplasty this week, where they inject cement in to either i) just strengthen the vertebra, ii) do point i but also get rid of some pain or iii) do point i and kill off all the pain. Numbers i or ii are most likely but lots more questions to ask here. Also need to avoid the cement going into my veins as that's not a great move once it sets.
- Sternum: Getting more sore again as I only had 3 out of the 6 radiotherapy sessions and the chest pain is very clearly there if I need to cough, twist sideways or do anything that makes it go 'Oi! Don't think so, loser'. If the back can be mended enough for me to lie on the radio bed for the final 3 treatment sessions (think only 3 but it may go up, given the 2 week delay so far) – hopefully this could resolve and the tumour be gone.
- Inflammation: Whether this is arthritis or not, it is particularly virulent across both my hands and wrists and up into my shoulders. I'm struggling to reach behind me (exactly where they put the bloody light switches and call bell in Parkside, cosmic joke), or to reach for a cup of tea, write etc. Lower half of body remains bizarrely unaffected by inflammation, although..
- Limb Weakness: I've lost a lot of strength in my legs – so pushing up to get off the sofa, holding my weight when getting out of bed etc is tricky. Our helper Katie is right now building up an extra layer of sofa cushions so I don't have to push 'up' but can sort of 'drop down' off the sofa… when I finally install my sorry ass on it in a moment.
- Heart: Well, who knows? Since my back gave way 10 days ago, I've not walked further than the loo or the car. But I still feel generally puffed and suspect my heart is still under undue pressure, even if it's not been actively tested currently.
- Kidneys: The 'acute kidney injury' seems to have been downgraded to a watching eye over kidney function, so that at ;east is one less major worry but still on Santa's shopping list of shit
- General health: Well I feel…. pretty much like a pile of poo. I can't drive, I can't walk far. Every activity however simple has become a huge task. I can't put shoes & socks on. The moan 'awwwwww' is never far from my chapped lips. And as you can imagine, there's been a fair bit of crying.
Ah yes, talking of crying, yesterday was a terribly day – 'a milestone' as Prof kept calling it as he stood by my bed in Parkside. Apart from all the crap above, the big news is:
- His view is that Myeloma is causing much if not all of the medical stuff – and I have to restart treatment immediately. Yep, 4-5 months of chemotherapy all heading towards a second stem cell transplant in around July/Aug. Ad all my bleats of 'but you said the numbers were all stable? That there was no evidence of the MM being back' went unheard.
- So yes – everything that i was so looking forward to this year is now in the trash can. We were meant to be leaving in just 12 short days for the Caribbean with J&R – it was SO, so close – but not any more. Ethiopia in April with Fitz & Lyds – cancelled. The USA in July – ditto. And we will have to see what it means for any of the long weekends like Rome in May for our 5th Wedding Anniversary or Menorca for Pam's 'Uh-hum' Special Birthday in June. I feel so horribly guilty for messing up other people's travel plans & finances… but it's all a big fat No right now.
I'll know more once the op details come through over the next day or so and once I agree a chemo start date with Prof – I know he'd like to get cracking this week and the way I feel, I think he could be right. It's frightening just how lousy I feel and when I know its not just a quick bout of flu. I already can't work so have to square that off with the lovely David Rea (what a top bloke to work with), Added Value and BAT. Tat's next on the list..
Will keep you updated. No need to send anything except verbal abuse – that way I still know you're not treating me any differently to usual.
Thanks for being there peeps x