Day 6 – Monday

Hey folks,

Shattered again last night, but got some sleep which helps. Feeling pretty blurgggh, tired, flat, slow, back is sore as am not taking the paracetamol for fear these will make me throw up more, on top of the other drugs.

Have bravely had my shower before breakfast. Hope the strategy works and that I don't chuck up brek again, then need another one.. I just had to sit on the plastic bench in the shower to do my hair, was simply too knackered to stand for the whole thing. Ridiculous and sad, but there it is.

Jane came today, braving the freezing outdoors. Nice natter and some Starburst that were very handy to try and take the taste of the thrice daily syringe of gross drugs away.

Kipped half of afternoon and very bleary when woke up due to being given some new drugs that kick in at this point. I also seem to be back having GCSF injections (as well as a daily Fragmin injection to counteract blood clots), which is what I had to stimulate stem cell production prior to the harvest. This is needed because the extra stem cells that it produces are meant to work to artificially boost the pace of my red and white blood cell production, and get my system up to speed again sooner….. What it means for me more immediately is a stomach with more bruises than a Lidl apple.

H popped in and out several times, waved at him and Scrumpy on the common, out of my Rapunzel window.

Physios were also in and out today. Did some stuff, very begrudgingly, with one young physio who was trying to encourage me to do more but managed instead to make me cry. The words 'oh, so you're not really a gym type person' were meant light heartedly but just brought home how much physical capability I've lost, for so long. Felt like shouting 'I used to exercise 3-4 times a week, play hockey to a decent standard, travel the world, dive the oceans' … but I just chokingly said I'd had enough and got her to go instead. All a bit gutting.

Consoled myself with a sherbet dibdab. Quite pleased that a) I actually fancied something and b) my mouth is still fine (apart from the lumpy yellow tongue) so sherbet was still do-able.

Ordered the cannelloni for dinner as didn't fancy a rock hard pork slab – imagine my delight when it arrived and was instead a bowl of tomato with some tasteless potato on top. Not exactly delicious. But weirdly adequate as my appetite is pretty poor. They send in the three meal forms (lunch, dinner and the next day's breakfast) with every breakfast – and today also sent in the 'milky nourishing drinks' and list of other 'building you up' products. So far don't need these but let's see how it goes.

J and Hawksey popped back in on their way to PG for a dinner of meatballs. And a chance for the dogs to nosh each others' heads – their favourite game of all. Always a bit sad when people head off but that's the way the hospital cookie crumbles.

Wonder if I can stay awake long enough for Silent Witness – even that seems like a bit of an effort. 

Cheers for the messages and cards lovely people – very very much appreciated x