Day 16 – Thurs. The Last Day

Awoke just now from the final doze of the night to the magical thought 'Today I Go Home' That homely but glittering prize of leaving these 4 white walls, riding in the car and being wowed by the colours on the common, and finally stepping gingerly back though my front door. From what I remember last time, the world looks huge, colourful and fast when your senses and experiences have been so enclosed and unpleasant, even if just for a few weeks.

Sure, I'm still not in great nick as yet. Furry, gluey mouth, dry, enlarged tongue and slightly slurred, slow speech. Rash subsiding a bit but basically still all over. Weedy muscles and limited power. Pretty tired. Dry, peeling flaky skin. Shallow breathing. Tastebuds up the Swannee. Sore dry eyes. And of course, no hair.

But today is finally also the – hopefully very positive – Day 1 of the next stage of my life. A total unknown. One where I may recover more than I expect and be able at some point to go back to work, travelling and maybe as much as being able to 'have some of my old life back'.

Or one that may be a little better than pre-Xmas, but remain frustratingly limited. Back pain, breathing issues, inability to join in stuff like a normal person. And with no silver bullet like SCT left to try.

I don't yet know what lies ahead and would in many ways prefer not to hope, because if nothing improves, it will be shattering.

So, I am going to try and live in weekly chunks. 'This week I can do X, which I couldn't do last week', and hope I can see improvements as they come.

It's all going to be pretty low key and simple for the next few weeks. Stay home, recover, kip, potter about, cuddle the animals, try not to be too much of a pain in the ass for Hawksey, see how things feel, go to CCL for blood tests and check ups. Hopefully interspersed with chums popping in for tea and nattering.

Had a final bag of platelets this morning. Slightly delayed as I though I'd try and finally reintroduce the plainest of the 4 mouth treatments into my morning routine. The Biotene mouthwash, good for dry mouths and they bang on every day about the importance of the mouth treatments. I thought I'd be ok but hey presto, instant dry heaving then bye bye very small breakfast. So, I tried. Not doing that again for a while.

Jane and Clare G popped in for a visit. Perfect as I finally not seem to be able to get on any form of wifi today, a definite sign that it's time to go.

And, as if by magic, Prof came in to say he's happy for me to go, providing I come back tomorrow morning for 2 more bags of platelets. Pharmacy handed over the bag of drugs for the coming days. The physio trolled me up and down the stairs, taking a baseline reading to compare against future progress. My cannula was removed. I put on outdoor shoes for the first time in 2+ weeks. We handed over some Fortnum's goodies as a thank you to the excellent staff. And left Parkside…..

I Am Home.

Currently on the sofa with Miss Mojo, although she is slightly more drawn by my milkshake than me, I suspect.

So, so, so good to feel fresh air and be back. Little steps, lets see how things go x