Ten Years Today

Well it was a very fateful day, 12 September 2008, exactly 10 years ago today. 

 

The day that it finally became clear why I had rib, chest and back pain that no one could really explain.

 

The day that ended a two year wait for a reason that stuff just wasn’t as it should be.

 

The day someone at last ran the 100th, ‘it’ll never be this, but….‘ test on the list and it came back with an actual answer.

 

The day that I first saw the words ‘suspected MM’ on a, X-ray form, and had no idea what it was.

 

The day I was diagnosed with this thing called Multiple Myeloma.

 

And the day my whole life changed irrevocably, forever.

 

Hawksey and I spent the day in numb, utter shock, being passed round Parkside, and having to get our heads round the terrifying place called ‘Oncology’, that now had all too much to do with us. 

 

I was admitted straight away to the third floor – which I terrifyingly discovered was only for people who had the C Word. I was put on a drip and told my kidneys were days from failure, despite me feeling pretty much ok.

 

And we crept out of there, still in shock at 10pm and went, as had been in our diaries, to Pam’s for a late drink, as we’d by now missed her lamb dinner there. Me, keeping my hand with IV bandage below the table because if I couldn’t see it, maybe it wouldn’t be true.

 

There never was nor has been since, any reason why the MM buck decided to stop at my door. The average age for diagnosis was 69. The disease was more common in men. And in black people, more so than white. Not hereditary and not causable by any lifestyle or behaviours. Just pure, crappy incurable shit luck.

 

But at least I somehow pulled the lucky straw from the unlucky bunch. And today it is amazingly, ten whole years since that dreadful day. 

 

It’s nothing short of an absolute miracle that I am still here now. The average published survival time then, was just 2-3 years. And many lovely, normal, desperately unlucky people that I met in person or on the MM forums did not make it this far.

 

Diagnosis was 6 weeks before my 40th birthday. I stood at my own party and wondered how much more time I’d get to spend with the much loved people there. I didn’t dare dream it would be a decade, but I’ve made sure I’ve squeezed the joy out of pretty much every bit of those years. 

 

Despite the periods of illness, pain, fractures, breathlessness, operations and two truly hideous stem cell transplants. And the endless days and hours at Parkside, going from pillar to post and having every procedure under the sun, and ongoing bloody chemo, just to up my odds and to try and stay alive.

 

But it is all so, so worth it, to be privileged enough to be seeing my 50th birthday looming up in 6 weeks time from now. With a fair wind, I should make it!

 

Thank you to everyone who has come with me on the ride. On the good days and times full of laughter, as well as the grimmer moments. I really could not have got this far without you all. Friendship, kindness, humour and grit becomes even more incredibly valuable when push comes to shove, and I have benefited from this in spades.

 

So here’s to the big birthday and whatever comes next. Turning 50 is an extraordinary thought and dream that is somehow about to become fact. 

 

Cheers to all of you amazing people. And to continuing as far as humanly possible with a very a much loved life x