It’s Been a Good Christmas..

… and you know I don't say that many years!!! But I have to say. the past 12 days or so have been bloody great. Mostly because… NO DRUGS!!!!!! So I've actually felt like me again.

Ok, so I'm a whopping 13 stone 'me' at the moment – yes, I know, its a complete shocker, the steroids plus my enormous innate greed have had me eating like the proverbial Horse (of Troy) for 3 months and I look like a huge barrage balloon/ the Vicar of Dibley after the 6 Xmas dinners – and am soon to be more like the fat bald round one from Little Britain once the hair goes in Jan. If you have a camera, keep it to yourself for the next year, because I will be running (rolling) like hell to get away from any evidence of my largesse!

But apart from that – it's felt SO good to feel 'normal' again for a bit. No hospital trips, no drugs and actually feeling just like it's a normal day and all the poo has gone away…. its like waking up from the mother of all horror hangovers and feeling okay again the next day – you kind of feel 'super-OK' because you're so relieved that the bleurgh feeling of the previous day(s) has finally buggered off..

So – what did we do?? H and I went to Holland for 4 days, Mum stayed for a few extra days and somehow managed to get herself back home in one piece (remember last year when we left her behind after a musical at a dutch theatre, near skateboarding hoodies in the dark??!), we've just been down to the boat for 2 nights (hey, it's not Dubai but apprently there's pooh on their beaches at the moment, so unlucky Sheiky-shakes), Hawksey is in delirium as he got a huge bargain on a very shiny chrome microwave combo oven thingy in John Lewis, the kittens broke a vase in their efforts to escape the kitchen at night and I am enjoying the peace and trying to get stuff together for hospital.

Now tell me, why is it SO hard to find decent pyjamas that don't have these on them??:

– embroidered cute motifs, from penguins to pussycats

– scratchy lace bits right next to your skin

– spaghetti strap tops that you just KNOW will let everything spill out when you're asleep

– foul material or patterns that a Merseyside pub curtain would be proud of???

Oh by the way, here's my brilliant three line poem - meant to be funny rather than sad –  this is the sort of weird dross that goes through my head when I'm awake at night wondering if its better to get up, make tea and lie on the sofa or stay in bed (is it true that resting in bed counts half as much as actual sleep?) Anyway, here it is (dedicated to Mikey Martin, who I think will get it). Read each syllable slowly…

My – el – oma

 Medical Misnomer

… For Shite  x

Happy Christmas to you all, may the inevitable mince pies, chocolates, yule logs and brandy butter settle on your mother-in-law's thighs rather than your own….