Shazza Slob

Oh my god

A terrible thing has happened

I have got so lardy

And my trousers have shrunk so much in the wash (cough)

That today

I caught myself

Leaving the house

And going out in public

Dressed

Not only in trainers

Like some spotty McDonalds teenager

Who doesn't know better

But even worse

And unforgiveably

So thank god I didn;t bump into anyone I know

Wearing

– Oh no, I have become someone's saggy mother –

Loose pilates trousers.

Yes..

I do now

Officially

Wear out

'Middle aged comfortable clothes'.

I am shocked

To have resorted to

An expandable waistband.

And choice of clothing

That should only be sported in a gym

Or on the sofa with a cold

The January 'get me into my wedding dress diet' cannot come soon enough

Yours, shamefully (with a crispy duck calling me from the oven, oh dear)

Shazza Slob x