Happy New Year

Blimey, 2011 is already upon us – 2010 shifted at a bit of a rate of knots, didn't it? It feels that way to me anyway – even though there is a very lovely thing in the offing this year (el grande wedding), the thought of it already being 2011 scares me a bit, to be honest.

I'm not at all sure if I will be as well as I am now, in a year's time from now, or – to a hopefully small degree – even here at all. It's a really weird thing, facing a new year feeling incredibly lucky to still be walking around, when other people I know no longer are, and having real trepidation about what lies ahead and when. January's a bit of a 'sigh and get on with it' month as it is for most people, let alone when the 2 year anniversary of transplant is coming up in 2 weeks time… and then the next session with Prof on Feb 7th… lots of lovely little markers to remind me I am still in the deep, deep poo.

Over the last 2 years I've managed pretty well to distance myself from the dark shadow that myeloma cast over my life. I've clawed back to bloody good, rude health since transplant, and in some ways I feel I've 'beaten it' becuase that's the common language that goes with the Big Fuck off C isn't it? You either 'beat it' or you 'lose the fight'… this weird middle ground of 'waiting for the fucker to come back' just isn't the case for the vast majority of people unlucky enough to have their fragile doorstep darkened by the beast. Ah the joys of this crapola disease..

So it was a slightly tentative New Year's Eve last night, sadly - with the same big wish as the last few years stopping any of the more prosaic 'I'd like to lose weight', 'I must get a new job', 'I will be kind to old people' type of things from even getting a sniff at the 'please, please, God' cake. I guess we'll see..

It's also hard for an OCD freak to go from a perfectly numerically balanced year such as 2010 (oh, the lovely symettry of the numbers two-zero-one-zero, so many things it divides by, plus it includes one of my lucky numbers, 10) to 2011 – which in its defence does have a double digit in the 11, which is also the number of hockey players in a team, so not too bad especially given that it is a prime number, some of my least favourite things…. oh dear, think the OCD is not easing off in my latter years! But does at leats make it an acceptable year until the PERFECT 2012 comes along. Now that divides by everything just about… how lovely.

God – just had a 2 hour kip on the sofa which means there is only ONE MORE MASSIVE meal remaining until the 2011 diet has to begin. Must go – entire contents of fridge, freezer, cupboards and takeaway menus to be consumed before I turn into a (very fat) pumpkin at midnight and then live solely on gruel until May 13th, at which point I'll merely sniff the champers and collapse from alcohol poisoning…

Happy New Year you brilliant people – much love and see you all for a lettuce leaf soon – Sx