So how come weekends fly by in the blink of an eye, several hundred miles of Lexus whipping up and down obscure West Country motorways, a couple of ropey Service Station butties and a pile of random meetings with weddingy suppliers of the Dorset variety..? Weekdays sure as hell dont whip by quite so nippily..
Anyway, H & I spent a couple of crackingly entertaining hours with the rival gay florists of Dorset ('well, I'M a world champion you know')… In what exactly, we thought it might be prudent not to ask. Splendidly flamboyant, and either one of them would do us a right royal (rip off of a) fine floral flourish on the day. Big tick in the Florist box, so to speak.
Then 2 cake-making women – speaking a language beyond my ken, based around fondant, piping, toppers, tiers, 16-inchers and ending with the highly mysterious suggestion of cake transfers and cigarillos. I think we're in danger of a cake covered in tattoos and fag butts, but who the hell knows..
And a scary trip into a local (hmm, always worrying) Menswear shop – H running the risk of looking like a giant jockey, when faced with their oh-so-shiny waistcoats in a friction-inducing material, the like of which I thought went out in 1970. Little did I know, these horrors had just travelled west and planted their tacky viscose roots in Dorset, sprouting a shocking array of themed cufflinks and novelty underwear to complement the full 'Groom of Doom' look in the meantime…
Only to be balanced out by my trip to a possible 'On the Day' hairdressers – only to be met by the frightening physique of Bernice (pronounced Burrrrneeeeyuussss) whose facial warts arrived at the counter first, rapidly followed by the fluent wobbling of her volcanic lavaflow muffintops… Phoo-eee… Was out of there faster than Mojo faced by a huge snuffly labrador nose through her catflap.
But ever nice to see our boat-y, even if we were paying homage to the God of the Blow Heater for keeping us warm when there was actually some January ice on the deck..almost big enough to be chipped off into our G&Ts. Roll on May when the temp will be 20 degrees higher and – here's hoping – the plans all in the bag for a smooth Daiquiri of a Big Day x