4 years in…

So then, this week heralded my 4 year anniversary since being diagnosed.

God I've been lucky.

When I look at the vast piles of shit that pretty much every other person in my Under 50s group (over 100 members) has either been through, or is currently going through, I must be in the top 2% of 'lucky sods'.

I can't tell you how harrowing some of their descriptions are – endless bones with holes, breaking and being pinned, endless stays in hospital with immunity deficiencies and subsequent illnesses, endless disappointments of having to cancel birthday plans, holidays, the good things in life, too many of them now having died already, desperately sadly - and here I am.

I feel a strange mixture of enormous relief – thank god it is me who struck sort of lucky in the shitstorm of myeloma – and guilt. When the guys post comments on our Under 50s forum, I so rarely have anything useful I can add, apart from words of condolence and consolation. Which I thank my lucky stars for, of course – please god let it never start again for me – but feels kind of wrong in a way, when they are all having all manner of appalling times.

But – amongst us, it's safer to say – phew. A massive understatement of a sound, but a good encapsulation of knowing that I've had a hugely fortunate escape, so far.

Back in September 2008 when tis all kicked off and I read those first internet descriptions of 'most people survive 2-5 years', I never thought I'd make it this far. I didn't want to order Olympics tickets, because when they came out, I had no clue whatsoever if I'd actually be alive to go to them. I'm now very nearly 44 – good grief, that's a whole other trauma! – but its an age that again I didn't think I'd see, having puffed my way through my 40th with steroid-cheeks and a fat suit on.

But here we are. New business up and running (ambling). New dogular-hound-beast to train and drag out of the garden every 10 minutes. New car to play with. New diet to contend with (how much does our local greengrocer love us and the mountain of fruit & veg we now order from him? So much that he even delivers!). Newly energised husband, loving his new-ish job. New trips in the offing – Tunisia in a few weeks, then Argentina & Uruguay in early December. New project in the offing, ironically potentially including working on – weirdly – Lucky Strike.

Whatever kind of day you're having, chin up and count those lucky stars. If there are any left over that is, because I have already counted them. Big time.

Love to you all – let's all get lucky (no not in that way) over some drinks soon x x x x