Tunisian Highlights

Yes, with a title like that, you might well expect this post to be a pretty short one!

But while it was dusty, sandy, blowy and generally the kind of weather where you find little deposits of orange sand nestled inside your bra cups at the end of the day (so the other told me), among the general skank, minging lecherous men, dire repetitive food and endless 'you pay ten times the usual price, no?' arguments, it definitely had some very good bits!

Main learnings:

– Never trust a male masseur, as having the towel whipped away and a set of Tunisian choppers lunging in for a post rubdown snog, is definitely not listed in the small print

– Go for the very last taxi in the queue at the airport as the front ones a) want to charge you 40 dinars for the 7 dinar ride and b) the back one can reverse at high speed right the way out of the airport and skidpan turn into a fast moving lane of traffic before you have time to say 'Taxi meter please?'

– If a group of blonde females sits in a park, reading books pre-flight, for more than half an hour, most of male Tunis can also also squeeze in there before dusk

– Tunisian men like to attract the opposite sex by hissing, sucking their teeth and making 'come here kitty cat' noises. This, does not work.

– You can apparently dedicate half a huge souk to strange shops selling revolting little wicker baskets decked out with cheap white satin, and dolls. Wedding gifts? Baby presents? Decorative fruit holders? We still don't know.

– Flipflops are a deathtrap when it's rained. Rubber plus water = falling on arse. To be avoided.

– Couscous in its home country is a source of great Tunisian pride and served with every possible meal. Sadly, making it taste good is a skill yet to be widely disseminated.

– Beer can be found, widely in Tunis, and terrifyingly in the desert, if you are willing to travel on the back of a quad bike, at speed, into a deserted,, litter-strewn housing estate and enter an unmarked door with a crack of light behind it, and be served from a locked cage. Only to be located by following signs: 'Bad Muslims this way'.

– Camels are not your friend. They smell, spit and can rub all the skin off your inner thigh. And just as in the world of sugar cubes, one hump is not better than two.

– There are some amazing ancient structures in tiny villages in the desert. Truly 'wow' stuff. But sadly always slightly tainted by the enthusiastic 'walking upwind of you' of the local guides, for whom the arrival of deodorant is still but a distant dream.

– Always shower at night when the generator is working. Trying to avoid beetles in a shower at dawn by the light of a single candle in a huge shower block, makes for one smelly day in a 4 x 4.

– You cant trust anyone, even the manager of a top 10 hotel, who will still try and acquire a kickback from your restaurant of choice, or send you somewhere completely different. Until that is, you try and leave unwanted crisps in your room, which will be returned at every possible opportunity until you beg them to put them in a bin.

Anyway – we had a great 5 days, photos below…