Maaaaaaaan, this 'getting off the pot' thing is hard.<\/p>\n
Am trying to work out best options to take and its one of those swirly-whirly, snakes and ladder style type things where every one good idea forwards has a direct 'down the snake' corollary backwards. Ooh, corollary, now there's a good word. Bit like a coronary.. or a chinese man practising his english language skills (co-lorra-lee!) <\/p>\n
Anyway – have spent a mind boggling amount of time trying to work out this conundrum:<\/p>\n
– should I stay at work and 'live a normal life'<\/p>\n
– or bugger off round the world and travel my arse off while I can… oh but then I have no income (and the cats would never forgive me)<\/p>\n
– or shift to a 3 day week, which might give a slightly better balance.. if less cash in my holey coat pockets (how many times has my phone dropped into the lining this week? Sewing never been a Scotty core skill)<\/p>\n
– or go and see a counsellor and try and resettle my mind, as it seems to have gone into scaredy-fuck overdrive since the New Year<\/p>\n
– or just get under the duvet and scoff endless pizza and Ben & Jerrys (quite liking this one.. mostly for the pigasaurus factor if not the even bigger hips involved)<\/p>\n
All of which is incredibly tricky to reconcile when you have no idea of the critical factor which is of course, having naff all idea how long I am actually going to a) be well for and able to do anything, b) be in decent nick and able to do some stuff if not all, and c) be alive.<\/p>\n
Bloody tricky quite frankly, and not sure the Self Help section in Waterstones has anything much to help resolve it. <\/p>\n
Life is tremendously surreal right now – moments of wonderful, precious normality (tennis with Pam, Woodsie & Clauds, pub quiz with Mikey & Madge, warming Janine & Ross's sofa yet again with my ever expanding backside, ogling Clooney at the flicks with Liz, enjoying forgetting it all on the hockey pitch, hurrah)… annoyingly counter-balanced with the constant nagging & dragging reminders of the shit I'm in (all the Cancer Research ads on TV, arguing with Pru Health when I've forgotten to get some treatment authorised, TBag's funeral last week, stuff about our increasing aging population in the news – a state I'm never going to reach, the irresistible lure of checking the Myeloma UK and my Under 50's Myeloma websites several times a day, as if reading and replying to others will somehow buy me 'brownie points' of a few extra months somewhere down the line).. Blah blah blah.<\/p>\n
Sorry – am aware I'm in a moaning & droning mode at the mo – but it is quite a weird intellectual exercise, trying to decide what's the best way forward for you… hard enough when you have a normal pile of poo to balance out – job, relationship, mortgage, pressures, family etc – let alone in the Cancer Vortex of Unpredicatibility. feels like one of those plastic things you shake at Xmas to determine which drink to have or what fortune will befall you… yep, its about that random.<\/p>\n
And SO weird that through all of this I've felt bloody fine! They said my rib pain couldn't be linked to the Myeloma and beyond that, the only problems I've had are due to the drugs and the transplant.. Hmmm… <\/p>\n
I do like to torment myself occasionally with the 'maybe they made a mistake and mis-diagnosed me' thought…. and imagine the 'wow, really, its not real? I'm ok? I've got a chance at life? oh my god, thank you so much' conversation… but know it's not going to happen… more's the pity.<\/p>\n
Anyway – for now, will try call the shrink lady on Fri (unless my long lunch on the piss with Mark W distracts me too much.. which it hopefully will) and get it all packed away into the right mental box sometime soon. <\/p>\n
Or should I ask the audience on this – what would you all do???? I've def made some good and some crap decisions in the past – open to all ideas! Sx<\/p>\n
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Maaaaaaaan, this 'getting off the pot' thing is hard. Am trying to work out best options to take and its one of those swirly-whirly, snakes and ladder style type things where every one good idea forwards has a direct 'down the snake' corollary backwards. Ooh, corollary, now there's a good word. Bit like a coronary.. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1412","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n