Oh my god<\/p>\n
A terrible thing has happened<\/p>\n
I have got so lardy<\/p>\n
And my trousers have shrunk so much in the wash (cough)<\/p>\n
That today<\/p>\n
I caught myself<\/p>\n
Leaving the house<\/p>\n
And going out in public<\/p>\n
Dressed<\/p>\n
Not only in trainers<\/p>\n
Like some spotty McDonalds teenager<\/p>\n
Who doesn't know better<\/p>\n
But even worse<\/p>\n
And unforgiveably<\/p>\n
So thank god I didn;t bump into anyone I know<\/p>\n
Wearing<\/p>\n
– Oh no, I have become someone's saggy mother –<\/p>\n
Loose pilates trousers.<\/p>\n
Yes..<\/p>\n
I do now<\/p>\n
Officially<\/p>\n
Wear out<\/p>\n
'Middle aged comfortable clothes'.<\/p>\n
I am shocked<\/p>\n
To have resorted to<\/p>\n
An expandable waistband.<\/p>\n
And choice of clothing<\/p>\n
That should only be sported in a gym<\/p>\n
Or on the sofa with a cold<\/p>\n
The January 'get me into my wedding dress diet' cannot come soon enough<\/p>\n
Yours, shamefully (with a crispy duck calling me from the oven, oh dear)<\/p>\n
Shazza Slob x<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Oh my god A terrible thing has happened I have got so lardy And my trousers have shrunk so much in the wash (cough) That today I caught myself Leaving the house And going out in public Dressed Not only in trainers Like some spotty McDonalds teenager Who doesn't know better But even worse And […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1343","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n